Often I think about how lucky and blessed I am to be surrounded by so many people who are so amazing.
I must admit, however, there are moments when I realize that weddings in any capacity can bring out the best... and can bring out the worst in people.
Something I learned throughout this wedding planning process is that there will always be people who are going to disappoint, hurt, and/or bum you out, whether they are actively trying or inadvertently doing this.
I am a highly sensitive person as I am sure many people recognize as soon as they meet me. And that's okay, I've learned how to be conscience of my emotions and how to publicly dial it back, but that does not stop me from feeling any less.
What stops me, though, are the people who do end up hurting me. I've realized as they continue to take actions that do not put me in a positive place, that those people are not worth my energy.
It is so much more amazing to be happy. Those few that say or do something negative, pale in comparison to those who make me smile and feel giddy and enjoy my company as I enjoy theirs.
I read something on a media platform that struck me, and my mind keeps thinking about the quote:
"Understand the difference between someone who speaks to you on their free time and someone who frees their time to speak to you"
Guilty. But I am also protecting them. Usually if I am too busy to chat... I'm really too emotional and rationalize that the conversation will not be productive. I would rather wait than to hurt someone, than to hurt someone without thinking everything through first.
It made me wonder about all those dates I ask to plan... and then no one gets back to me with dates on which to plan, if maybe I have done something for those people to never make the time or get back to me.
A small voice tells me to let it go. The wise person would smile, nod and spend time with people who make the time... but it hurts nonetheless.
I realize this is not my normal "everything is beautiful, everything is perfect" post that I want everyone to smile reading, but there's something to be said about being vulnerable and allowing people to read that there are those stormy days when I second guess everything.
No one is perfect. Least of all me. But from the moment I met Shawn to where we are right now, I find myself constantly trying to better myself, because Shawn makes me want to always strive to be a better version of myself than I was the day before.
Because of Shawn, I am becoming more aware of my negative tendencies and want to focus more on being a positive person.
I really am so blessed to have a man who has seen every side of me and has stood beside me, determined, strong, and always full of love and forgiveness.
And this is not a post on my weaknesses, this is really about a man that despite all of them, he has awakened within me the determination and joy that it takes to have a our own little Caple Clan. Man and Wife. Mr. and Mrs. Caple.
Because of Shawn, no matter what comes our way, I truly feel like our little family can handle anything.
We are a team, and if there are people who don't want to share in our friendship and love, we have each other, and really, with our families beside us, what more could a soon-to-be Mrs. Caple really ask for?
Yesterday Mom and I went to the bank to go through the family safety deposit box searching for Mom's wedding rings.
The first time she went that day, she had no luck and I could feel her sadness as we looked through each box carefully, feeling more and more hopeless asthe rings did not turn up.
Until one long, unsuspecting box, ten minutes into our search, Mom sucked in air quickly... on her palm were her wedding rings that she hadn't seen or worn in probably over a decade.
Immediately, she tried to slip it over her knuckle, but alas, her knuckle had grown (either from all the work she has always done with her hands, or simply age changing her body from 31 years ago this July). I gingerly picked them up from the palm of her hand and they slipped on easily.
I was sad they no longer fit Mom... but it would be really special if we added a little more gold to make it slip past her knuckle and she wore it for her daughter's wedding.
We continued to go through the other pieces of jewelry and found Mom's mother's high school ring... I realized something that gave me chills and I giggled excitedly:
Upon my marriage to Shawn, I am going to have the same initials my grandmother, Mommom, had before she got married. AMC. It felt so serendipitous...
That time spent with Mom in that little room going through that old jewelry gave me a real sense of peace. It is amazing what old pieces of jewelry passed on through the years can still make you feel connected to people who have long since passed.
It also made me realize what you leave behind will live on if there is love in your life and enough people who care. I'm not about a legacy... but I am about leaving and making the world a more beautiful place. After everything, I choose to be happy. I have so much love and beauty in my life, how can I not?
Happiness does not create gratitude. Gratitude creates happiness.
Love,
Alex